Show Me Your Chin - II

This Wednesday morning when I woke up groggy-eyed and upset about the prospects of a long day at work, I didn't expect to see this on the front page of The Hindu.

Arunima Sinha with India & Tata Steel's flags on the Everest

It was just too overwhelming. Imagine yourself being thrown out of a train during an armed robbery. As you are flung in the air, you hit the bogie of a train coming in from the opposite direction on the adjacent track. With the impact, your left leg comes under the wheels of one of the trains (you don't know which one because you are too numb to comprehend). Finally, when the trains have gone, you find your left leg hanging out of your jeans below the knee. You then touch your right leg to find broken bones poking out of everywhere. Your spinal cord feels like shattered glass. You can't move one inch. You cry for help, but its miles and miles of tracks amidst empty fields. Every half hour trains pass within inches of you and rattle you body and spirit. Rodents start coming out from the burrows; the smell of your blood and flesh is all around.

Now imagine yourself scaling Mt. Everest just two years later. You are the first amputee in India to do it, and the first female one at that in the entire world. Come on, if Arunima can actually do it, you can at least imagine it, right?? 

When I met Arunima in Uttarkashi last year, she really didn't look like someone who would be able to win Everest so soon. She walked with a lot of effort. Climbing was tough, and she had a considerable discomfort at all times. I had written this piece about her back then - (http://igavemybest.blogspot.in/2012/04/1st-row-from-left-ashish-singhania.html) I had lauded her determination and spirit. I had prayed for her. Yes, she had a big heart. But, I had thought getting to Everest would be almost impossible. But like the entire nation, how I was proven wrong. I was left awe-struck and teary-eyed on that Wednesday morning. 

So after I get to know of her feat, I reminisce the interaction I had with her outside our tent during the trek last year. I also call up all my friends who were there in the trek. We are all very happy for her. How often do you get to share tents and have dinner with real life heroes??. 

On retrospect, there is one thing which makes me feel slightly upset about the entire episode. Its just that one minor thing, Something that doesn't matter much, but remains at the back of your mind and doesn't let you cherish something as much as would like to. That one thing is this picture of Arunima with us.

Where Am I? :-( 

I still curse my decision of being the photographer for this pic. In fact, I still lament being the designated photographer for the entire trip. There are so few pics of me for the entire trek!! But I mostly regret not having Arunima and me in one frame. Why didn't I take a selfie with her?? :P

Here her awesome speech here :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mIIxU3gI4c
  

Love.Joints.Life.

That Friday finished it off. He had gone to meet her at the university. He wanted to see if there was something in her eyes- some kind of a spark or emotion which would reassure him that yes, there was still some hope left.

He was looking for some kohl on her eyes and gloss on her lips, some perfume on her body which would have indicated to him that his arrival was still welcome. But he received the same arrogance from her; the same looks of I-am-so-much-superior-than-you-moron and the as-usual I-was-so-busy banter.

Back in the train he knew that he had been mistaken in trying to look out for love. He shouldn't have fallen for her. He let his emotions go uncontrolled this time, the only time in his life-and he suffered heavily for it.

He felt pain. He felt even more depressed; alone. Barring his parents whom he lost when he was eight; and a few college friends now far away, he had not had anyone close to him-or even nearby, semi-close. That is why his heart had been so desperate and- disobedient.

He needed an antidote. A painkiller of sorts. He puffed away on the joint he had brought from home. He felt better. The drug filled his heart, drove away love, pain, jealousy and longing.

He realized that this trip hadn't entirely been a failure. The state of uncertainty over his relationship with her was killing him. Now he knew that requests from the heart were to be left unanswered. Now he knew that he was staring at defeat from the very first day.

He walks to the lavatory. Apart from the expletives that can be found written on the walls of any Indian train's 3rd class compartment, he finds at the corner written in dark red, by some crazy literature enthusiast:

We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and-in spite of True Romance magazines-we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company; we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely-at least, not all the time-but essentially, and finally alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness. -Hunter S Thompson

He lights his second 'madman' joint.